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"Barbershop" was a big hit for Ice Cube a few years back, so when the porn parody craze hit, the idea to do a XXX spoof of it was bound to come along sooner or later. Though Evasive Angles hasn't done many parodies yet (their only other is "This Ain't Good Times"), the studio does a good job with "This Ain't the Barbershop," making it as fun to jerk off to as it is to watch. The girls are all sweet and fine with bouncy, round asses.
The movie begins with Melvin (Mark Anthony) fucking his stacked wife Lalaquisha (Chanel Staxxx) after he wakes up to find her already in doggy position. He nails her so well she can't even move for a while as he gets dressed and goes out to the living room where he gets to work on a dildo bong that he hopes will make him rich. Eventually Lalaquisha pulls on a short robe and walks out to the living room – with a great close-up on her big old jiggly ass – as he finishes working on it. She agrees to test it for him, fucking her still-wet pussy with it while he gets the smoke ready for her. He puts the smoke in place, she alternates taking drags (which heat up the dildo) and thrusting, and it's good until she burns herself. Injury be damned, now she's worked up again and demands that Melvin take care of her wet pussy, making him late for work, not that he minds.
When Melvin finally shows up to open the barbershop, fine-looking Roxy Reynolds chews him out because she's been waiting to get to work. Customers and other employees show up, including a few hot sistas in booty shorts. There's a crazy "robber" that ends up being Freddie (Byron Long), the old guy who works at the shop, who insists he cut Mike Tyson's hair and has an autographed photo of the back of his head to "prove" it. The girls (except for Roxy, who's giving a haircut) soon pull down their booty shorts to compare pussies and shake their asses to the delight of everyone except Melvin, who says they're gonna get him shut down. There's some drama involving Roxy when a customer touches her pussy and later when she finds out somebody stole her Swisher Sweet out of the refrigerator. Then, while everybody's busy ogling the booty shaking, a pair of delusional would-be customers notices the slot machine in the back has a $10,000 prize. Thinking the money is inside, they go home to plan their larceny.
Meanwhile, two of the girls start giving their customers the "deluxe" trim, which involves stripping down and giving a lap dance, for a start. Toni Sweets goes further, getting a nice, hot suck and fuck in the barber chair and then in the bathroom with a very enthusiastic and appreciative Charlie Mack. When she busts through the door afterward yelling that he came on her face, the only problem is her boyfriend is waiting for her at the front of the shop and hears her. He lays waste to her car with a baseball bat while the whole shop (except for Toni, of course) laughs and cheers him on. Some of them decide to take their turn when he's done.
Melvin leaves Freddie to close up and goes home early, because Lalaquisha is still horny. The guys drag the couch into the middle of the shop so the girls can get up on it and shake their asses while the guys shoot craps. One of the guys and one of the girls decide a little oral action would be a good way to pass the time. Freddie takes hooker Kisses Blow to the back for a private party. They trade oral attention and even though she is a total porn newbie, Kisses has a great hands-free technique for sucking that big dick. Meanwhile, out in the shop, things turn crazy when the male robber from earlier in the day returns with T.T. Boy to help him steal the slot machine. After the robbers are gone, most everybody wants to get the hell out of there, but Jonny Slim decides he wants to finish what he and July Jones started.
When Melvin gets the phone call telling him the slot machine was stolen, the only thing he knows to do is to borrow money from the Tiny Brothers. All the proceeds from the slot machine were going to pay his taxes that year and besides, the machine had sentimental value. Too bad it's long gone, having been smashed and burned by the robbers when they discovered there was no money actually inside it.
The next day, Roxy sees Carlton (Scorpio) playing with a real gold coin and decides to put the moves on him in the hopes of finding out where he got it. They kick everybody else out of the shop for some time alone. Carlton enjoys getting up close to her fat ass while she sits on his face, and he obviously loves the taste of her sweet brown pussy. The twin globes of her ass look incredible bouncing up and down as he fucks her. Roxy is such a good lay that Carlton's willing to give her half the gold he stole out of the slot machine, but it turns out she was playing him all along. Want to know what happens? You'll just have to watch and see.
One of the best things about "This Ain't The Barbershop" is that most of the female talent has never been seen before. Roxy has been around a few years and is an Evasive Angles regular, but she's always so good you don't get bored of her. It makes it feel like you're really watching a bunch of people partying at the barbershop and getting crazy.